Anyhoo, being at home my room is really cramp with a stuff that I can't throw away due to my pack rat of a mother and the fact that we're slightly poor. I should go find a job and save up to move out but I'm pretty sick dealing with retail and all other types of people that don't listen to reason. On the good note I barely see my dad now with him being asleep and everything. I think the less I see him the less I can disappoint him, seriously him coming to my room and pointing out that theres a penny on the floor and telling me that I have to pick it up or else someone is going to steal it is one day going to end a horrible road for that man. I still dont understand why he always tells me that it would be better if I lived at home instead of dorming. Fact of the matter is I can never get work done at home and the people I live with create psychological problems. I told my mom that she talks to much when i was 5 or something and now every time she says something she says "I know you think I talk too much" and talks about her past life and about being poor in thailand and how she had to help around the house... But the thing is that my house is pretty cluttered with junk I just don't want to.
Which is also why I don't eat healthy when I am at home. If I could show you a picture of my fridge its pretty Jam packed with stuff. Duly because my mom belives that "as long as theres food you wont go hungry" kinda fails for me because I get pretty tired when I'm hungry and I like to move alot of things around PLUS there're usally expired food around I just don't want to go in there. I miss living on my own... Buy $20 worth of groceries for the week put it in the fridge take it out put it back in DONE. Unfortunately I can't do this here there's alot of Janga and tetris skills involved. If I want eggs I have to:
1 remove the 3 tupperwares infront of the egg thing
2 then remove the loaf of bread on top of the eggs
3 then remove the egg case lid take out eggs find out
4 find out that there was an open case of eggs that I had to use on the other side of the fridge
5 put the egg case thing back
6 put the loaf of bread back
7 put the 3 tupperwares back
8 remove the jars of asian things
9 take out egg crate
10 get egg
11 put egg crate back
12 put jars of asian things back
Takes me roughly around 12 steps to get 1 egg. I dont want to go into detail about how I make a sandwich but I'll simply say, It takes a normal man 30sec-2mins to make a sandwich, takes me roughly around 10 mins to get everything out of the fridge to make a sandwich. Kinda why I lost 5 lbs the day I got back home.
Normally I would such it up and just do is but being psychologically broken from my mam and paps is nerve breaking. Mostly due to my room being a mess. However its a big improvement from high school. To give you a rough imagination ill explain it with a time chart
Grade School = Slept in parents room because was full of toys
High School = Cans of mountain Dew everywhere and nowhere to walk
College = I can walk around and there are random things on the floor i.e. shirt, sock, tv remote.
Big improvement if I had picture however apparently in my pap's mind he follows standard deviation of the current situation and what it can be and still thinks it a mess. Oddly enough every other room in the house is a fucking mess and he has to criticize my room of all places. I think he does it because he know that the stuff in my room don't belong to my mom nor him so if he were on a "Throw away spree" the could probably pull if off with out my mom leaving him. Who isn't to say I would do something far worst then your spouse leaving you and taking majority of the housing income leaving you to being forced to move into an apartment. But that's just me. I sometimes feel bad about hating my paps so try to I think about all the fatherly advice he gave me to grow up to become a better person unfortunately I can never think of any so I just think of all the crap he bought me and just feel bad about spending he hard earned money on stuff.
At times I think its an endless cycle in why my parents won't let me move out. Every time I tell my parent I want to move out they say "Well you can't take care of your self or this house so we won't help you" however its because I live in this house is why i dont want to take care of it and the living conditions make it hard for me to want to take care of myself. Unfortunately my mother saying "suck it up I can live with it" doesn't say much seeing that all of her crap is right in the front as where I have to dig under her junk to find that 1 think I need.
I feel good venting all this garbage out and sometimes I with my parents would listen to the things I have to say to them and actually think about it for more then 2 seconds for them selves and not because my aunt tells them that I'm an ingrate and should be a nurse. Seriously I don't know if my mams has ever done anything involving child care without consulting my aunt or anything involving my education. Nor do I think she cares anymore [as i look under my bed and find all my certificates of honors from high school not framed and ripped] But back to what I was saying. I wish my parents would listen and absorb the words from my mouth so I can actually tolerate them as people instead of beings that supply money for my education and food.
But yeah If anyone does read this you must be really into me or something to read my hatred towards living with my parents.